It’s Thursday morning. I’m up with a cup of coffee at 7:30. I put away the clean dishes and will tackle the clean laundry when the self-tanner on my legs dries. I made my bed for the first time in three weeks. Yesterday, I worked a full day at my desk and didn’t have to lie on the couch once.
Last Saturday, I turned a corner — in like the middle of the afternoon, which was confusing. My pain tracker calendar for the May 2 – May 14 is a little sine wave between 5 and 6 (I figured I might as well continue to use the 1–10 scale they use at the hospital). I enjoyed sleeping in on Saturday morning and got up around midday. I started an Avengers marathon (shoutout to Disney+ for keeping me company on this journey), but halfway through the first movie, I turned it off, put on my Daisy Dukes, and went outside to lie in the sunshine. After, during my shower, I had the distinct impression that I was nearly pain-free, which threw me for a loop.
I expected that I would feel better on a morning, after a good night’s sleep. Saturday was confusing because it happened the opposite way. I woke up feeling bleh and went to bed feeling nearly normal. At first, I thought it was a fluke, but now it’s Thursday and I’m still feeling pretty damn okay.
My follow-up appointment with my regular doctor was canceled. She called to let me know she’s referred me to a neurologist instead, which is exactly how I expected the visit to go anyway — saves me the co-pay of a doctor visit. My follow-up with the stroke clinic at Utah Valley is next week, and I’m not feeling as anxious as I was. It’s a nice surprise, given how scared I was.
As I sit here, I do feel a little pulse of fuzzy pain in my head every now and then, but the constant ache of the last few weeks seems to finally be going away. I do have a minor burn on the back of my neck from my rice bag 😅 but that’s my own stupid fault.
Last night, I was able to curl up on my side to fall asleep, which I have sorely missed over these weeks of sleeping exclusively on my back. I don’t feel comfortable sleeping on my stomach yet, but that’s okay.
All in all, I’m incredibly grateful to be feeling better and incredibly grateful that this situation wasn’t worse.
Saturday morning, I’d had a little cry about how frustrating it is to be stuck on the couch. I was so tired of setting up everything on my coffee table and settling into the couch only to find that I had forgotten something important like my water bottle or contact lenses. I was so tired of biting the inside of my cheek to make sure my face wasn’t going numb. I was so tired of having to do constant breath control exercises to calm random spikes of anxiety. But this morning I was able to tackle chores I’ve been avoiding and it feels like putting myself back together.
A huge thank-you to everyone who has reached out and offered to help out! I feel so loved and supported. I appreciate the hell out of you.
And there’s the steam whistle from the boiler system up at the State Hospital. 8 a.m. Time for me to log off and get to folding the laundry.
Amber Sorensen 